Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize