Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
