At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize