That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
