Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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