i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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