what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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