3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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