Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
