Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
