The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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