The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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