Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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