Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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