Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
