and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
