I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
