You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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