evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize