It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize