That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
