a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
