going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
