I think im going to throw up on grandma
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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