kristin has been a bad kristin
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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