I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
