OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
