then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
