***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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