I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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