we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
