You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
