Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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