There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's just like the Real World with babies
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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