So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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