everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Farmville is her only friend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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