My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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