Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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