if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
not ubering you a puppy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
