just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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