i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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