I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
