Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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