i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
