Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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