What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
