Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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