Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
