she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
