Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
