Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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