can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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