i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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