the condom got lost in my hair
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
