You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
