my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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