Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
