Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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