Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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