i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
