I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
