Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize