Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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