Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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