I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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