remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
