dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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