Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
