Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
